fervor:

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 03:14:03 GMT

i'm developing a mild addiction to ebay
id have to say that its a wonderful concept

my headache of doom wont go away
im on the most hardcore dose of whatever it is im taking and still nothing. idk wtf is going on with me. i just know that i am bored out of my mind and i miss my friends. and this weekend totally is not starting out great. but im just thankful that it IS the weekend. because im getting real sick of school. real fast. i wish i had motivation

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 01:08:47 GMT

im sitting around waiting for daphne and kyle to come get me
and its so incredibly borrrrrring. it will probably take them another two hours.

today i went to fridays with ryan. it was nice.
i want to hang out with him more
he said the reason he knew who i was for so long but never said anything was because he thought i was in college and would want nothing to do with him . ahahah.

im getting to know alot more peopel and i like it. well some of it. some people just turn out to be assholes though, and that kind of sucks.

valentines day is wednesday. hmmmmm.
its also zacks birthday
but, we dont talk anymore. i had a really good birthday present idea for him too.
so much for that.

guys SUCK. we'll just put it that way

i hung out with ash last night. i loveee her. i miss not seeing her every day. she will always be one of my best friends though. we went to coldstone and this guy was major hitting on me. he was a cutie. but i dont need ANY more complications in my life.

me and adam sheets are hanging out this week. at least it better happen. i miss being tight with him. and i miss when i would see him and he would pick me up and spin me around. i love that kid.

i got my weeeeeave in today. im thinkin i like it

overandout!

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 03:07:35 GMT

fiT vanhO maN 12: ?
ALIIII raeee: i dont know
fiT vanhO maN 12: ??
ALIIII raeee: ?????????????????????????????????????????????????
fiT vanhO maN 12: ????????????????????????
ALIIII raeee: &#^&*##^&*$&*(&#*#&@@$%!$%^$@@%&@^
fiT vanhO maN 12: did we get married yet?
ALIIII raeee: i dont know. but if we didnt we need to
fiT vanhO maN 12: te he
fiT vanhO maN 12: i cant waitttiilll we hang out
fiT vanhO maN 12: actually
fiT vanhO maN 12: i can
fiT vanhO maN 12: because ur gay
fiT vanhO maN 12: and im gay
ALIIII raeee: no
ALIIII raeee: you cant wait. i knowww it
fiT vanhO maN 12: u cant either
ALIIII raeee: i know
fiT vanhO maN 12: becuase we can take a bra shower
fiT vanhO maN 12: together
fiT vanhO maN 12: or jsut do it
fiT vanhO maN 12: twice
fiT vanhO maN 12: negrrooo
ALIIII raeee: asiannn
fiT vanhO maN 12: ur like my best friend i never see

he makes me happy.

tomorrrrowww is waking ashland with zachhhh
its goin gto be wonnnderful seeing jonathan
if he even remembers who i am, hah

im watching alot like love
bestmovieever

valentines day is coming up.....hmmm

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 22:30:35 GMT

i get soo lost at school
its not even funny
i mean i know im directionally challenged,
but come on.
i missed last hour today because
i couldnt find where iwas supposed to go
hah.

i cant wait for homecomingggg
its going to be fannntastic.
im so excited.

yeah i have nothing to talk about
LATUH

i am shaking, but not out of desperation

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 02:25:25 GMT

soooo today was my first day at valpo.
i enjoyed it. i forgot how many people i knew there
so many people were coming up to me like "WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE"
it made me feel special ahah.

i'm having soo much trouble with chemistry. and i don't know anyone that knows anythign about it, i've seriously asked just about everyone i can think of. i have people i can go to for english history and math, but no chemistry. i wish i was smart..

im tired.
i cant wait to move.
ill be out in 30 days
i pretty much have no life right now,
since i had to quit cheerleading and
the people i usually hang out with
after school i dont go to school with anymore.

i think.. i need a boyfriend. hah.

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 07:12:46 GMT

i realized i pretty much just have this so i can look back on it and remember the good times.

today i ran into about a gazillion people i knew
that was cool i suppose.
i made daphne cookies. shes home tomorrow, for good.
i got well into the 3rd disc of season 3 of the oc
im still just as sick as i have been. probably worse
its just great being sick over break, you know?
but i got some hardcore medicine today, so hopefully that helps a little at least.

my christmas was amazing
i seriously couldnt have asked for a better one
it was everything i could have asked for.

theres soooo many people i want to see over break, but it feels like its almost over and i have a feeling i'm not going to endup seeing alot of people.

welllll. thats all for now,
over and out!

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 03:52:17 GMT

so, ive gone christmas shopping about four times now and im not even close to being done. i have a totaly of three peoples presents, out of like 20. at the mall friday me and liv kept getting follow by these guys. i know i knew them from somewhere, but i couldnt figure out where.

satttuuurrday was like the longest day ever. me liv and tyler went to panera. that was.. interesting. hahah. then i went to my fatherrrs house because he wanted me to wrap some peoples christmas presents. then i had to cheer at westville. then met up with zach at subway and got a free crappy sandwhich. then barnes. then broadway. then went matts house, played xbox for like the first time ever. i ended up getting home at like 3, didnt go to sleep till 4, and had to get up at EIGHT. that part sucked. im hardly ever home anymore

christmas break is THREEEEEE days away. and thats amazing.

you've been so pensive and quiet...

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 05:15:17 GMT

DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: if you looked liek that
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: i wouldn't talk to you
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: i'd call you nina though
ALIIII raeee: its not britnee is it?
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: http://myspace-031.vo.llnwd.net/01453/13/09/1453899031_l.jpg
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: close enough.
ALIIII raeee: HAHAHA
ALIIII raeee: oh god
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: dood. no doubt she's wearing a wig.
ALIIII raeee: yeah dude
ALIIII raeee: theres no way someone could have that much poof naturally
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: haha i thought the same!
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: it's like 5 inches off her head dood.
ALIIII raeee: hahah
ALIIII raeee: dude
ALIIII raeee: shes probably like a cancer patient
ALIIII raeee: you heartless bitch
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: dood. that would make up for her uglyness.
ALIIII raeee: im pretty sure her eyebrows are drawn on too
ALIIII raeee: def a cancer patient
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: it looks like she was drawing them on. and like hit a bump and the pencil just went
DAPHNEXTRAGEDY: WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

ARTHUR NIX WE CAME TO FIX YOUR BICYCLE

is that alright with you?

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:01:35 GMT

so, yesterday my juicy coat broke. the zipper pull thing just popped off while i was zipping it. i was so pissed. now i have to find a new coat somewhere.

i cant WAIIIT for christmas
its soosososososo sooon

my dad wants to get a hummer so bad
were going togo test drive one tuesdayy
and he might be buying my this reallll nice white suv
even though i cant drive it for another billion years

i didnt go to school today
so that means im going to miss practice
and not know what were doing on friday and saturday
but i really am not feeling good still
so i cant help it

i really need to jsut start being happy for people
because im realizing that its better than them being miserable

gahhhh hfsjklfajfsklJKLFJSAKLFJASLJ

i'm not sure that i love you, but i'm not sure enough to let you go

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 23:31:58 GMT

i know it's not fair to just keep you hanging around

everyone was in suuuuch a bad mood today
and i was SO tired. so that definatley didn't help.

i cant wait for christms break. and to see daphne.
and for christmas and new years and everything =)
i love the holidayyysss.
and im getting this lovely new coach purse from my father. and i cant wait to get and give everyone their christmas presents. i have a lot of shopping to do!

i'm really finding out who i can trust lately
i can honestly say i only trust four people out of everyone i know. which is sad because i know a lot of people.
one of them is someone never talk to anymore. i really miss him sometimes. he knows a lot about me that most people are never going to know. but of course that one was my fault too, LIKE ALWAYS.

i suck. i know.
and i miss daphne
and liv
because i havnt seen liv in like two weeks
but thursday is our oc night =)
ANNNNNNNNNNNNND
have i ever mentioned how i have the two best friends a girl could ever ask for? yeah. im lucky

and im going to learn how to SALSA dance soon.

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:32:19 GMT

i must say, long weekends are fabulous

last weekend seems like it happened a million years ago.

thanksgiving was good
spent it with stephs family and my mom
then with daphne and kyle
at walmart
hahah
so yeah. we went to walmart and built and beanbag fort. then came back to my house. and it felt like it was 2 am. but it was really like 11. and kyle passed out as soon as we got here. then i passed out shortly after. and i kept hearing daphne texting in the background.

i love them a lot. i really can't wait until she comes back again. she makes me laugh nonstop. three more weeks.

today
i went shoppping. i was originally supposed to go at 4. but since noone woke me up, we left at 5. me and nathan went to the mall. and i got lots of christmas stuff for myself mostly. haha. and nathan made sam the penguin build a bear for christmas. my idea. i named it herman. i want someone to make me the penguin.

andddddddddd now im at home. and its only FRIDAY. life is good.

and thats my whole life story

take me on back, take me on back, take me back

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 03:29:16 GMT

soooo
its been a longg time
i suck at this

daphnes been in town for what..? almost three days now.. and have i seen her yet? no. i swear to god, if we dont see each other before she goes back to texas hell is going to be raised. i miss her, and shes only like 20 minutes away!

yeah
i really have nothing else to say
my weeekend was goood.
hung out with ash and danielle
and stephhhhhanie =)
i love them all

speaking of people i love, i hate alot of people
i would not suggest getting on my bad side

and OH
im done with guys.. for awhile
they are assholes
and stupidheads
and i hate them

but we'll see how long that lasts. im guessing not long...

and i got two of the most ahmazing cds this week. ahh i cant get enough

the love we make is giving it's take

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 01:21:44 GMT

i havn't posted in this thing in a long time.. i think it's time i start again.

saturday i went to reepers realm with liv zach jakeway and david. it was fun. so worth the long car ride, standing in line for an hour and a half and the 20 dollars it costs to get in. especially seeing fats get so scared that he falls on his ass. hahahah. that made the night. earlier that day i went to the mall.. and me and nathan got our halloween dance costumes. we are going to be the hottest people there. no joke

im getting bloodtests this week. to figure out what else is wrong with me. i hate needles.

SPOOOOOKFEST is this weekend. its going to be off the hook. i can't wait to see everyone. it's been so long. i miss a lot of them.

i love daphne espinosa.
yeah, i talk about her in here a lot. but thats because shes one of my favoritest peopel in the world. and i really can't wait until she gets here for christmas. because we are spending every day together.

i mean seriously.. how could you not love this person?

so. i pretty much have nothing to talk about. i really wish i would realize when i am doing something wrong so people wouldn't end up hating me...
but whatever.. what can you do? and i TOTALLY want to seethe nightmare before christmas 3d. me and danielle used to go over to katies house and get so bored that we would watch it. sometimes i almost miss those days.

i've started to have freakin weird dreams again. i think i need to get it checked out

you were there

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 00:32:24 GMT

i'm so SICK of everyones bullshit

seriously.

she's got another boy.. oh boy

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:37:53 GMT

i seriously love daphne fucking espinosa
shes my hero

java jims is reopening this weekend
AND its a three day weekendd. woo.

its gona RAWK

it's all in how you mix the two

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 22:17:47 GMT

so school has started,
i couldn't even make it three days without not going
paaathetic.

i miss summer
a whole fucking lot
schools really not that bad
i just like being lazy
and exaggerating makes me feel better

i cannot WAIT until christmas time
it will be two weeks off
and DAPHNE IS COMING HOME
just for a visit
shes still down there for the rest of the year
i miss her terribly
the first day she gets back
daphne liv kyle and me are piling into kyles car
and going to broadway. and im buying daphne lemon rice soup
well. we could even be piling into livs car.. cause she can
driiiiive sooooon! woot. i seriously love daphne espinosa.
she is my favorite mexican. kyle isn't so bad either.
it sucks, daphne and i really stopped talking for like four months
up until right before she left. and now shes gone and we talk
every day. it really sucks. when shes back next year it will be amazing
i cant wait until christmas break

i need to stop wanting what i don'thave.
not what i can't have.
because that seems to be an ongoing problem that i have,
and it really has gotten me no where so far..

maybe when i'm done with endings this can begin

it's all gona catch up to me one of these days

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 18:49:22 GMT

but until then i'm gona keep livin it up

go ahead, talk shit

skin new, hands true, my hands all over you

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 14:35:28 GMT

so. art school is over.
it's really sad.
i am pretty sure i woke up at 5am today. i didnt have a clock though. then i eventually fell back asleep and woke up at 9. im going to miss seeing all the people on the train everyday. and i'm going to miss my teachers and.. even the people in my class.. never thought i'd be saying that.

sooo,
last night was my first night of freeeeedom, and knowing that i wouldn't be going back to chicago in a few days. i really missed having time to just hang out with certian people. so. i had a lot of fun last night to say the least. it amazes me how great of a time you can have doing pretty much nothing, as long as you are with the right person or people. i'm going to spare you any details.. for today i don't feel like telling the whole world whats happening in my personal life.. even though it's probably not too hard to figure out.

my life is sadly starting to look like 7th grade year again. the year when i screwed people that i really cared about over and ended up with nothing. but i'm not going to let that happen this time. no way.

la la la la laaaaaa
life is amazing
im hoping it will stay this way for awhile
maybe its time for my life to stop being a rollercoaster

i guess in the end you start to think about the beginning

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 05:10:47 GMT

i've said everything i've needed to say.
i am completely content at this moment in time.

i really regret not making a bigger effort to go to lollapalooza,
it would have been amazing. on friday when we walked out of the school for our lunch break you could hear the bands playing. going would have made my summer just that much better. speaking of summer. mines been great.many good memories. ill have to have an entry where i just reflect.

i slept like 17 hours yesterday. i think sleeping made me even more tired, if that makes any sense. in the last three weeks ive lost almost 15 pounds. my mom thinks its cause im stressed. but im really not stressed, im actually really happy. maybe i am stressed and i just don't realize it. whoo knows.

people are leaving for college. and it sucks. the only person i'll probably really have to miss is zach ..plus a few more. but like everyone i know in the towns of portage chesterton and valpo, and anywhere else inbetween is going to pnc and living at home. its good. id miss way to many people way to much if they all were leaving.

i'm to tired to even think of anything to put in here that has any actual meaning.

i totally lost my voice tonight. my throat is killing me.
...it was a good night though.. a real good night

i think for now im going to stop putting anything about my personal life what so ever since people always seem to find a way to use it against me. whatev. if you have a problem with my life, i don't want to have anything to do with you in the first place. i probably won't be able to resist the temptation for to long though.

its official.

already?

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 00:44:54 GMT

so this week, has been my firrrst week of art school. yeah. im pretty sure i could do this forever. its amazing. my lifedrawing teacher is AH-MAZING, he is so good. there are some cool people there, but some of them are like. so not good. but they make me look that much better so, im not complaining. ive learned pretty much nothing in fundamentals, they than "repetition is life.. but repeating yourself is boring" dont ask.

the train is even good. i was REALLY not looking forward to riding the train an hour and a half there and back every day... but i like it. between liv and i we have seen someone we know every day. and! we make friends. (theres a lot of people that take the same train there and back everrry day, go figure!) yeah. our newest friend is angelo. we see him like every day, and we acknowledge each other. today he introduced himself. he reminds me and liv sooooo much of my cousin aaron. its craaazy! angelo does something with stocks or whatever. he looks somewhat like a hippy. only cleaner. yeah. our art school friends arent too bad either.

so liv and i made a ali and livs adventure to art school soundtrack. numero uno. it is a masterpiece. we are going to publish all of them in ten years and it will be like the songs of the millenium.

sucker4nacoustic: we're destined for greatness

in the last week i have pretty much planned out my next five years.

i cant wait till java jims reopens. i miss coming home every weekend smelling like fried food and cigarettes. i used to hate that smell, but it really grows on you. i love that place

im trying so hard not to think about school starting. blahhhhhhh!
im getting sick of alooootttt of people... its like. may all over again

theres some people though... that make it all better..

but thats another story

retrospect

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 05:29:28 GMT

so, yesterday was the longest day eever. hung out with kyle; sandwhiches, valplayso, lots of rain, tornado drills, amazing pizza, some movie about ninjas, monopoly. then, adam sheets calls pissed off, comes over; 1am, yelling and screaming, frantic pacing, papa johns and something about adam vass, hugs, talking, and the titantic.

it doesnt sound like much. but it went on and on and on. and i actually really enjoyed my day.

so today. i slept till like 1230. i could have slept much longer but i felt like i was wasting my life. waking up at the crack of dawn next week really isnt going to work out to well. then i was like, what the hell, why dont i make some plans. long story short i hung out with adam cunningham. it was quite enjoyable. we went to el amigo. and we got married. not at the same time

so now im sitting here at my computer, pretty much how all my nights end, and reflecting on the last 6 months of my life. maybe its more like 3 or four. i dont really remember when things stopped and started. ive lately realized the part of my life i missed out on and i also realize there is no way i could have stopped it from happening. what makes it even worse is im sure the exact same thing is going to happen all over again in a year. im pretty much stuck. i like the desicions i made this year. even if i could have made better ones. and i like where i am right now. which is almost hard for me to believe. but my life is just full of really amazing people right now, and i love it

so, tomorrow ill probably go to the fair, since theres only two days left and i most likely wont be going sunday. and if i do end up pretty much living at my dads house for those two weeks it really isn't going to be that bad. and hopefully no more shows i plan on going to get cancelled. and hopefully people try to be more understanding, cause i sure as hell have been.

lets make a list of who we need, its not much of anything

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 19:24:07 GMT

well, yesterday was my last day of drivers ed and afterwards i hung out with kyle
six days till art school.

i went to the beach last night,
and the water was really really warm.

you know the night life is just not for me,
cause all you really need are a few good friends

realization

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:15:56 GMT

i want to go to the beeachhh!H!*#*#^#(^@*@*(@)*@
i need sunlight.

i have this recently diagnosed problem, i tell myself that if i dont think about my issues they will all just go away. when in reality, they are all just building up higher and higher while i act completely clueless.
this is going to be interesting.

realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrive

restless summer

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 20:46:53 GMT

i dont even have the words to describe my life right now

ive been catching up with a very old friend,
and its been nice.
i go to art school the 31st,
and i cant wait.

Thu, 25 May 2006 21:09:46 GMT

i thought that i didnt want school to end and everyone to leave,
but i have recently reconsidered